How it all started
On January 1st, 2010, I posted my first vlog on Youtube. Making videos had been something I had thought about before, but it wasn't really a huge decision for me to start: It wasn't a New Year's resolution and I wasn't expecting it to go anywhere, it was just an idea that I had and decided to explore. After a quick Youtube search on how to vlog, and a quick search on how to make and upload videos, I had filmed, edited, uploaded and "video responded" my first vlog. Expecting that to be the end of that, I went to bed.
How it continued
The next day, I logged onto Youtube as normal and saw the little "comment" icon lit on my front page for the first time. Not knowing what that was, I clicked on it and saw that I had THREE comments on my first video, as well as TWO subscribers. My first thought was WOAH! I hadn't expected ANYTHING to happen, so to me that was HUGE. After reading the comments, I was totally humble-struck and decided to make a second video talking about it.... And this process continued for days, the more people I met on Youtube, the more reasons I had to continue and once Vlogging became a part of my schedule, everything was golden...
Why it faltered
And then real life kicked my ass a bit.... My computer went out of commission, my camera broke, other things began to take up more time and before I knew it I had fallen into a bit of an anxiety cycle. The more vlogs I missed, the harder it was for me to come back because I was scared that someone would be upset that I had missed some.... It became easier for me to not make a vlog than it was for me to make a vlog, so without any long term intentions... I just stopped.
Where it went from there
After I had taken months and months off, gotten through the craziness that was the last few months of my senior year, went through my internet free summer and got my new computer, I thought I was ready to start again. I started posting videos, but this time I had expectations of myself (to make videos daily, to not leave again) and when things stopped working out in my schedule, the anxiety cycle became worse and worse to the point that I was considering even POSTING a video a success, which led to low quality videos and me talking lots and saying nothing. No one was happy: Not my subscribers, not randoms falling upon my videos, not my real life friends and DEFINITELY NOT me.
Why I stopped
When something isn't making me happy, I stop doing it. Cutting out vlogging really upset me, as it was something I had seriously LOVED before, and I didn't understand why that had changed. Once I had calmed down, I decided that perhaps traditional "vlogs" were not the right fit for me, so I started doing other things. I made some LUSH videos, some make-up videos, some college videos (which never got posted)... basically I was trying to figure out how I could keep Youtubing without falling back into my personal rage cycle. I basically needed to stop, strip down my Youtube experience and decide what I loved and which other things got in the way and why.
Where are we going from here?
I have decided I want to start making videos on Youtube again, but in a sense I'll also be starting again. I have undergone so many personal changes that I cannot be the Debbie I was when I started, and have come to the conclusion that that is okay. I fully respect that some of my subscribers will not like my new videos, and that's cool and while I hope to gather new followers, that is also not my intention. My plan is to make videos, from tutorials and reviews to rants and debates, that say something rather than just sitting around doing nothing. My interests have morphed, so my subject matter will too, and as previously said, I totally get if that is not an interest you share. I have no promises, to myself or to you, on how often I will post or how long it will be before I return to almost daily videos (or if I ever will) but I hope nonetheless that we can all say that we have learned from the journey thus far.
I'd like to take this chance to thank you all for reading and watching me over the last two and a half years. We have developed friendships that I truly value, and whether you choose to continue with me as a viewer, a subscriber or a non Youtube related friend, it is my wish to continue those relationships.
Now, it is my pleasure to say and mean for the first time in a long time
I'll see you all on the flip side, wherever that will be.
Debbie
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